How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only and they must be made from bee's wax and preblessed by a Bishop totally in communion with Rome at the time of the blessing.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
Church of God: Might be changed next year if light bulbs are included in next year's budget, included in next year's goals, and the church board has a vision that they even need light bulbs.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unity: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Unitarian: Undetermined. "Our only dogmatic belief is that we are all free to disagree. In Unitarianism the significance of change takes precedence over the both the light bulb and the number of congregates needed to implement its change. We are currently accepting poems and meditations dealing with this subject to be published in an anthology to be used at our annual meeting of Unitarian ministers and those who fail to see a need for them."
United Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb,or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans (Missouri Synod): None. We don't believe in change.
Lutherans (all others): We agree with the Roman Catholic statement but lovingly suggest ecumenical discussions concerning the status of the bishop.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
Jehovah's Witnesses: None. The lights are on but no one's home.
How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Californians can't afford the electricity.
How many aging hippies does it take to change a lightbulb? Wow, man, like, I can't do this counting thing, but the experience is, like, way out there, you know?
How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lightbulbs are a hardware problem.