The Customer From Hell

Oh good grief! I've been dealing with the most impossible customer at the stationery shop lately, and he was back again today! This guy is so freakin' unbalanced, I can hardly believe it.

OK, first of all, he comes in about a month ago on a Friday night about 10 minutes before closing and he's looking for a sympathy acknowledgement card to send out for his mother's recent funeral:

1. He doesn't want the kind that the funeral home provided. Fine, we have them in our shop and we can put her name in the space provided and even match the font.

2. He wants his own wording. Fine, we have all sorts of blank cards and we'll print up whatever he wants.

3. He wants a larger fold-over card than what we have. Fine, we can order something.

4. It has to be spectacular. He also wants his mother's photo on it. And pink roses. OK, let me recommend this very fine paper stock from Crane that really makes the colors pop.

5. He loves it. But he wants it larger. No problem, they make a size that, when folded, is a little bigger than 5" x 7".

6. OK, but now it looks too formal, and he wants it in pink. We'll look it up and get back to him on Monday.

The following Monday, we call him because we've found two things at least that will work. We can still special order the one paper from Crane. Even though it's not pink, we can add a lot of color to it and it will have an overall pink cast.

He comes in that week on Wednesday. He doesn't like anything they've shown him. It has to be larger (about 5" x 7"), it has to be pink, and now he tells us he wants a tri-fold. He's got three people running around looking for this stuff. Finally, the owner comes up with a solution. She shows him a sample pack from a local paper wholesaler and recommends he contact them.

The following Tuesday, he's back. He has a sample of the paper he has ordered, so now he's ready to sit down and discuss the layout with me. Except that he wants me to get the aforementioned sample pack from downstairs. I go and get it. He opens it to the specified sample, and that's all he ever does with it. He just has to have it on the table in front of him as we're doing this. So, I get the whole layout sketched out with all of the wording, the fonts, and whatnot. He wants me to show him color samples. I tell him that I can't do color samples until I have his actual paper stock in hand. Great, it's coming in the following Monday. I tell him to drop it off and I'll call him when I have some samples to show him.

The following Tuesday (last week), I have a migraine and I'm working on three rush projects. He comes in. The owner tells him that he can just leave the paper with her, but, no, he insists on meeting with me and he won't take much time (all of his prior visits have been for 30 minutes or more). Fine, I come upstairs, get the paper from him, and tell him that I'll get to it soon.

He comes in on Friday last week. He has the envelopes now. He won't just drop them off; he has to meet with me. Fine. I got the envelopes. Then he asks when he's going to see some samples because he needs to get these written and mailed out. (Oh, like he hasn't wasted my time and everyone else's!) I tell him I will have them today. He wants to know what time. I tell him at 3:00 p.m.

I actually had all of his samples ready at the end of the day on Tuesday (yesterday), but that was neither here nor there. He was to come in at 3:00 p.m. today to look them over and discuss them. I did one in full color and one in a burgundy kind of duotone. I did them both on pink and on plain white.

He didn't come until 5:00 p.m.!!!!! And then he was so happy with what he saw that he came at me to give me a big hug!!! I literally put up my hands and told him no, but he came at me anyway. I was actually holding back his arms! I couldn't believe him!

And that wasn't all: He now wants white paper, trifold. I'm going to source it for him and get it. AAAUGGHHH!!


Do I have a sign on me that says, "Hey, weird people! Come over here!" Well, I'll tell my husband about it soon and we'll have a good laugh. What a day!