Friday, January 05, 2007

Moving Beyond the Past

This was in my book of meditations for yesterday:
"One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same. We do not need to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family's issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them. ... Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. I means we're addressing our own issues."
The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

That one hit me right between the eyes. My family and the people I work with have their own issues. I can be working on my own stuff and working toward my own goals without taking on their stuff, too.

Funny, but it seems weird to have to tell myself that it's OK to be happy, yet that's what I have to do. I feel guilty about having anything nice, like I can still hear my mom in my head, screaming at me that I don't deserve anything nice because I never take care of what I have.

She was angry. She was hurt. If she had the chance today, she'd take back those nasty words. But I'm not going to bring it up to her just so that I can hear those words and feel better. She's a different person today than she was 30 or 40 years ago. So am I.

Time to move beyond the past. Time to move into a happy and healthy future.

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